We had planned a dirty weekend – then I woke up with his cousin

Standing in the shower, my breath caught in my throat as Owen* suddenly picked me up.

I wrapped my legs around his waist as my back hit the cold tiles that hadn’t warmed up from the water running down our bodies yet.

The sex was incredible – not only because my lover knew exactly what he was doing, but we had a rare connection that transcended physical pleasure, despite the fact that we barely knew each other.

As Owen kissed my neck and pushed his body against mine, I nearly passed out from the sheer ecstasy.

There was just one problem: he was not the man I was ‘meant’ to shag that evening.

That had been his cousin. 

And the experience taught me that there’s no such thing as the ‘right’ person to have sex with, other than the one you truly desire, even if I could have handled things better. 

Owen and I met during a night out with his group of friends, including his cousin Paul*, the man who had invited me to their place for a party weekend.

Paul and I were just mates, but I knew that he fancied me and I was considering taking things to the next level.

Unfortunately for him, any fleeting thoughts about a budding romance flew out the window the moment Owen and I locked eyes.

While the others were partying at the club, Owen and I snuck away and went back to the house for what is still some of the best sex I have ever had.

The next morning, I popped my head into the living room to be met with Paul’s icy glare as he announced that the party weekend was over.

I was in my very early twenties when this bittersweet experience took place. Now older and wiser, I can admit that I should have been more considerate of Paul’s feelings. 

But I still don’t think I was wrong in sleeping with Owen.

You can’t ‘bagsie’ a person. Even though I had intended to explore a potential fling with Paul, I owed him nothing – least of all sex.

I always try to follow my instincts and that means listening to what my body is telling me – and I want you to do the same.

I’ve faced this kind of predicament more than once.

When Ezra* invited me for a BBQ at his place, I didn’t have any expectations.

It was an excellent evening and his mates all made me feel very welcome.

I had fancied the pants off Ezra for a long time, but he’d never made a move – so I was shocked to notice that he was suddenly throwing suggestive glances my way.

Then, fate threw a curveball at me.

A few hours into the night, Ezra’s best friend and Rick* arrived after having just finished work.

Just as it had been with Owen, our attraction was immediate.

He was beautiful, sure – but it was his charm and top-notch banter that truly knocked my socks off.

You can probably guess what happened next – after the party died down, Rick and I spent hours exploring each other’s bodies in his bed.

Before you throw me to the wolves, I’ll once again admit that I went about this the wrong way. I should probably have taken Rick back to my place or swapped numbers with him to meet up on another occasion – rather than shag him then and there having made an initial connection with Ezra.

All I can say in my defence is that I was young and foolish. But even so, I feel no guilt whatsoever about my decision to sleep with Rick instead of Ezra.

I had good intentions – but the plan changed.

In my early thirties, I reconnected with an ex called Adrian*, who I hadn’t seen in many years. He just happened to be visiting my city for the weekend with his friends and invited me to come along.

Prior to the night out, we had exchanged some flirty DMs and there was a not-so-subtle undertone that suggested that something might happen between us.

But then, I met Ryan* – one of Adrian’s travel buddies.

We got on like a house on fire from the get-go, and there was a natural attraction between us that only grew as the night went on. But I wasn’t a naive young woman anymore, so this time I approached the situation in a much better way.

I took Adrian aside and gently explained that while it was really fun to see him again, I felt a connection with his friend.

Thankfully, this particular ex has always been a very happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He gave me a hug and told me to ‘go get him’ – before returning to the dance floor.

My experiences have taught me two things. 

Attraction isn’t something you can fake; it’s either there or it isn’t, and you should never feel guilty about that. We want what we want.

But that doesn’t mean you get to treat other people as if their feelings don’t matter.

I wasn’t particularly close friends with Paul or Ezra, and they were no angels either – but they still deserved my respect.

Consider the situation at hand and try for the best possible outcome, but don’t bow to other people’s expectations.

Always stay true to yourself.

And remember this: you are always – always – allowed to change your mind.

*Names have been changed

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